The Big Book of In-Your-Face Gay Etiquette (Third Edition)
Halfway to the Stars: Cable Car Tales of a Grumpy Gripman
Q: Daniel Curzon, haven’t you been around for years now?
A: Yeah. So? Mr. Politically Incorrect is finally in fashion. Praise Jesus!
Q: Who says you are?
A: The Zeitgeist says. Is that too big a word for you?
Q: What prompts this arrogance?
A: I have two books out, and from a Swedish publisher. They are both Politically Incorrect and come in two strengths: Regular and Extra Strength.
Q: Okay, give me some of the Regular first.
A: I am not a stand-up comedian. I don’t try to please.
Q: Fuck you.
A: Fuck you first! Goodbye.
Q: That’s the interview?
A: Yeah, unless you start to behave.
Q: Who do you think you are? Kanye West?
A: That genius? Yeah, I’m the gay Kanye West. Only I write books and I’m white.
Q: It’s pretty easy to make fun of Kanye West, don’t you think?
A: I don’t see you doing it. He’s a Sacred Cow, like so many in today’s world.
Q: Why do you say that?
A: Let the persona in my Big Book of In-Your Face Gay Etiquette says it: “There is undoubted homophobia among many Asians, but at least they don’t write Rap songs about it.”
Q: So you like taking on the Sacred Cows?
A: Some of them. The tolerance of Black homophobia is one of them. When you encounter severe homophobia from Latinos and African-Americans, you must give them a slap on the wrist, according to my gay etiquette book. That’s what they’re used to!
Q: What about gays themselves? Are they a Sacred Cow now?
A: We’re very new to the game in this way. I always advise gay people to play their Gay Card proudly and widely whenever and wherever they can – except in Uganda and 83 other countries – and on Fox News!
Q: Is this the Regular or the Extra Strength Political Incorrectness of your two new books?
Q: Give me some of the Extra Strength.
A: That would be from my grumpy cable car driver in Halfway to the Stars. “San Francisco:
Halfway to the Stars or What the Hell Happened to You?”
Q: That’s not very funny.
A: Who said it had to be funny? I’d just be happy with some free speech in free-speech America. I’m pretty sure my cable car guy says a lot of things many people would like to say but are too afraid to say aloud.
Q: What does your cable car gripman see?
A: He sees a lot of crime, both petty and major. The world of the cable cars is hardly “cute,” though the authorities of the city no doubt don’t like anyone pointing out the many problems of San Francisco life now. The book’s emphasis is on what is happening now, not in the past.
Q: I’ve never been to San Francisco. What’s happened to it?
A: Well, according to my cable car driver, the downtown is full of creepy, weird, crazy, and dangerous people. They make for “interesting” material for a book, but you’d rather not encounter them in person. I don’t drive a cable car, but I live in San Francisco and see the deterioration. And everybody is so damned Politically Correct and they do not want to hurt anybody else’s feelings, or they are downright afraid to speak out. So they act as “enablers” of the riff-raff. Here even saying “riff raff” is a no-no. In some places you can’t say anything “liberal.” In San Francisco you can’t say anything “conservative.” There are too many easy boxes.
Q: So what’s the inspiration for the gay etiquette book?
A: It first came out in 1982. Now it can be mainstream at last, except in Putin’s Russia. It almost makes you not want to visit Siberia! By the way, you know what I see when I look in Putin’s eyes? Nancy Grace’s soul. And I get very, very afraid.
Q: Any other gay etiquette the world needs to know?
A: Yeah. Here’s one thing: ”Girlie man though he man be, in your heart of hearts you know that you don’t want to get into a fistfight with a drag queen.” The book makes its sharp points sometimes, but it’s basically light-hearted. In some places, it is the best of times to be gay. In others, it is the worst.